How to take care of your darkness in recovery
I got some devastating news two weeks ago — actually, the legitimately worst news of my life — and, after seven days of trying to process it, decided to start smoking again. Or rather, not to start smoking full time, which I’ve never really done, unless you can consider my previous practice of smoking while I drink, when I drank pretty much all the time, to basically mean being a smoker. I don’t, because even during those times, when I didn’t care at all about myself, my health and my life, it was clear that I simply couldn’t smoke consistently: I don’t have the constitution for it. After a few days of even semi-regular cigarette consumption, my lungs feel compromised, like I can’t take a proper, full breath, and I start to once again crave healthy and wholesome and sustainable habits, like drinking tea, eating fruit and going on runs. Usually, by the time I finish a pack of smokes, I feel some relief, happy to be free of what I can’t resist when it’s within reach. Then I don’t need to smoke again for another year or so. Or until something else really upsetting happens.
Anyway, I thought I was doing okay after receiving my very bad news, but it was something totally unrelated — seeing my ex-girlfriend for the first time since we broke up four months before, looking gorgeous, successful and, as…
